Story of a Holy Cow!

Its 3 a.m. I have just woken up from the restless sleep and looking for water. Ah! Thank god. Unlike yesterday, leash they have used to tie me is long enough to reach the bowl. Yuck! it’s dirty, but my parched throat has left me with no choice but to drink it. After answering the natures call I am waiting for the dhoti clad owner to milk me. I just wish they can leave my child closer so that he can have some of my milk too. I can see him tied to one corner and wish that I could just cuddle him once.

Shhh, it must be time. I can feel someone has woken up and is entering the shed. It’s the same owner who comes with a bucket every day. Ouch! It hurts. He hits me couple of times to make sure that I am in a good position for him to milk me comfortably. Oh how much I pray that he should have cleaned my shit first. It becomes a breeding ground for mosquitoes and both I & my child have to bear their brunt.

He rubs his eyes few more times, then goes for a loud yawn. I also pick up some leftover fodder and start chewing it so as to keep my mind diverted from the process.

Sun is slowly rising in the background and I can see few people with tin containers arrive at my shed for milk. The gentleman who is milking me is making irritating noises to make me feel comfortable so that I can release more milk. I know this is not going to happen as I am way passed my prime age and there is only so much milk I can provide now. After he is done, he looks at the bucket and curses under his breath because of the quantity. He still pads me couple of times now and goes to serve his customers.

While he is busy with customers, his wife also enters the shed. Like every day, she unties my son first and then me. Now I already know what’s going to happen next. She will push us out of the shed and leave us outside and we will be on our own. On a hindsight that’s not such a bad thing as at least I would be able to socialize with fellow cows who would have also been given the same treatment by their respective owners.

With my son in tow, it’s time for us to first have our breakfast. We slowly make our way to the gates of the nearby temple. I can see few of my friends already sitting on the road outside the gate. Ah! I guess I am late today. I can already see them chewing their funny mouths off. We make our way to where they are sitting and settle down next to them in a herd. I know it’s going to be a slow day as its middle of the week and not too many humans visit temple. While I am waiting in anticipation, a little boy from the nearby houses comes with a packet of stale roti’s and throws it near where I am sitting. Why couldn’t the idiot just take the roti’s out from the polythene first? I still remember the time when I ate the plastic by mistake, I was sick for a week and was afraid that the owner of the shed is going to put me to sleep or worse kick me out. Thankfully it’s in the past now. I ignored the packet, but my son is still trying to fight of the plastic to eat roti’s. I just hope he doesn’t end up consuming the plastic bag too. While I am looking at him worriedly, I realized that my bladder is full so I stand up to answer the natures call. Thank god I did. This way I came into the notice of a good man who had just come out of the temple with bunch of roti’s. He padded my head and fed me from his gentle hands. What a nice man. God bless you. After he had fed me, he folded his hands and closed his eyes to say a silent prayer. I guess he addressed me as a goddess.

God bless the man. I am sure all the other cows in the herd are envying me as few people have also followed him and are now feeding me banana and apples. They also say silent prayers with folded hands. Shit! I didn’t know I am a holy cow. I saw it happening to Gori my friend in the past and that was the last day I ever saw her. She must have been a goddess too like me. I never saw her after that day. I am sure some holy men would have taken her to some place exotic and would be treating her like a celebrity. Well goddess Gori, if you can see all this, I am in the same league as you are. While I am thinking all this, my focus shifts to my son who is looking at me wide eyed. Even he is chewing some bananas though. I guess benefits of being a goddess child.

Now I see more people queuing up for me, but my tummy is full and I need to take a walk. I ignore them and start walking the other way. My son also gets up and start following me. From the corner of my eye I see the focus has now shifted to other fellow cows. Why not? I mean my community should also benefit from my holiness.

I am looking for a shade to relax for some time. The weather is really hot. I guess its late morning now. I poop rest of my way. I am sure these humans would be delighted to cleanup my holy mess.

I already have in mind a good place to sit. The only problem is now when I know that I am a goddess, I am afraid that these humans would want my blessings and wouldn’t let me relax. Ah! We will see when it comes to it. I slowly negotiate traffic chaos and make my way to the middle of the market, right under the banyan tree. I make some moo noises so as to guide my son about our plan. He quietly follows me and we settle ourselves under the shade of the tree. The only real issue is that sitting under the shade of this tree brings us right in the middle of a busy road. But do you think I give a fish? I am a goddess. I close my eyes and relax myself, while my son is licking me out of affection.

I was about to doze off when I realize the commotion around me. There are cars which have come to a halt and slowly trying to pass us while at the same time shouting at us. If I could speak I would have cursed them right now. I don’t like these bloody humans shouting at me. But then it broke my heart when I realized the person who was shouting the loudest was the same guy who had first prayed in front of me and even put a vermilion on the top of my forehead. May be the poor ignorant fool didn’t recognize his goddess. Well, I am a goddess, I should be forgiving. I ignored the shouts and closed my eyes again to relax.

Smack! I realized it before I could feel it. I got up in pain. A man in Khaki had just hit me full blooded with his stick. I looked worriedly for my son, but he had already made a run for it and was waiting for me across the road. This khaki clad man was shouting profanity at me and before I could make a move, he hit me again. Smack! Same place! Shit! I could see the blood oozing out of my leg. I could barely walk. But now this man in khaki is joined by few others as well, who are pushing me away. Hang on you bloody humans! I can’t walk. Can’t you guys see I am limping? I have a bloody wound? While I am trying my best to walk away from these horrible people, lot of cars are swirling around me to avoid collision. To save myself I try to walk faster, but my bloody leg can’t move. I somehow make way to my son. I could see pain in his eyes when he tried to lick my wound clean. My leg is in a horrible mess. Most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life.

Both of us slowly begin make our way towards the shed now. It took us a long time reaching their only to find it locked from inside. We didn’t have a choice but to wait right outside. I was in such a pain that it felt like eternity when our owner finally opened the door. He was taking his cycle out. I am sure like every day he was going out to bring us back home. Even in pain I smiled. I knew as we are home ourselves, that will make him happy and he will be gentle to us. May be he was. He put his cycle on the stand. First he padded my son on the head with a smile and then he moved towards me. He was about to pad me as well when he realized that I had hurt my leg. He became concerned and immediately called up the vet to have a look at me. I was feeling really happy. At least there was someone who cared for us. Vet arrived in no time. He examined my leg carefully before applying some ointment on it. Heck it hurt a lot! Then he said something to my owner which made him upset. Very very upset! So upset that he kicked me out of the shed. I guess he realized that he can’t milk me till I can properly stand.

For next few days I wandered around the locality, limping in pain and eating from the dump while my owner would come and check my leg every evening but would not take me back.

It took me few days and my leg completely healed itself. One day my owner promptly put a leash on my neck and escorted me back to shed. Surprise surprise! He even fed me some delicious fodder. My son absorbed it all in amusement. Well I guess I am back to being a holy cow!

SUV Owner? Dude you own the road...!

Every morning you jump on to the driving seat and as soon as you switch on the ignition, adrenaline rushes through your entire body. Diesel engine yeah! let the engine warm up a little before you put it in a gear. Then slowly and safely take it out from the garage. Oh, don't forget to wear your fancy sunglasses as its obligatory to look as stylish as your mean machine.

Now when you have hit the road, don't pay much attention to the two-wheelers and smaller cars. Doesn't matter even if they are driving in the correct lane. Cant they see that you own a bigger vehicle and you need a lot more space to move around? if they can't, you need to put them in the right place by speeding up, using your power horn and getting too close to them till they make way to save themselves. Once you get their attention and have made a point, do give a look! You need to live up to your inflated ego.

After negotiating the city traffic without caring about the nonsensical rule of lane driving and have hit the highway, speed up. Of course you didn't invest in the engine and horsepower to drive slow. But your misery don't end there. You come across those 'oh so slow' trucks and buses, who seem to have taken the same dose of ego tonic that your SUV manufacturer prescribed to you. It's time to give your voice drum an exercise. Shout, abuse and threaten till the driver thinks that you are a big shot and if he doesn't compromise on his 10000 salary ego then you can land him in a soup . Do show him a 'bird' once you have overtaken him. Give a damn to all those idiots who advise against road rage. They didn't spend the same money as you did. how would they understand your pain?

As you reach your destination and you are looking for a place to park your elephant size machine, make sure that you cover a space for two. Of course you need a parking as huge as your ego, only then you can open all 5 doors of your SUV comfortably. If parking attended protests, he deserves a word therapy. Do give it to him judiciously. 

Repeat the process on your way back as well and if you need to add a bit of adrenaline, source a red beacon from your local car accessory shop and do get 'President' of some irrelevant association written under your number plate.